2011........

I started blogging way earlier than this.....but its just that I havent been updating and seriously my posts were sick and childish....so I am determined to turn over a new blog. So, 2011 is here. Frankly, 2011 marks the silent end of my school life....(HATE YOU). But it definitely opens a new chapter in life. I'm not such an out-going person before...I never have been because I have a problem...and because of that problem ,I have very low self-esteem, and more than once I felt like dying. Yes seriously.........you may find me cheery and smily on the outside but you better not step inside where the REAL ME is hidden beneath midst of emotional outbursts and crisis.

But thats all gonna be over now....I have seen the doctor, and I'm on the way to see a surgeon and everything will be find after I have my surgery. I'll be back, to a new me, a me that I have always dreamt off, as normal as the other boys out there, cheery, fun, kinda grumpy, and blah...blah....blah....

Over these past few years I have struggled a lot. Since I was 12, I have always felt like an outcast even though I have friends like God damn it!!! .....Their more precious than the most expensive ruby in the world....and I have a best friend, a Malay........who seemed to be that bright red hue which shines like a million sun put together. Its kinda hyperbola but I have no other words to describe him.....I thank God for letting me meet him through my walk of life. I really miss school life and I kinda regret that I was not rolled up in the mess 100%. I was too self-centred...thanks to my "Little Problem". I will not repeat the same mistake ever again after my surgery. I promise to turn on a new leaf.

I have accepted to work in Central Square. Although it will be tiring, standing there like a lamp post for 8 hours without sitting...but on the long run I think it will be worth it...I'm also trying to change my entire look....gonna exercise like mad.....dye my hair...change my glasses to contacts..wait no..no contacts!! haha! Well, 2011 is not bad after all because I could sniff a wave of transformation that I will undergo before going back to my lovely school to receive my results....RESULTS!!!!!

I thought I did quite OK only for my SPM.....I mean better than my trials in terms of effort and determination of course...but could roughly say that I can get 7A+ in it...but thats not enough isn't it. To get a scholarship you need at least 9A+........and my Biology is not in the 7A+ list.....T_T. Sometimes I regret....I could have done better in my Bio.....I aspire to work in the Bio field you see, because Biology is my passion embedded in my erythrocytes like haemoglobin. I really hope God helps me....because I can only count on him to provide the best for me. MY ACCOUNTS!!!! IS SUCH A FAILURE!!! I cried after accounts you know....practically I just keep breaking down the whole SPM week. I didnt feel I was ready enough.....you see...in 2010....I realised time was flying quite fast and didnt think it would pull SPM nearer with only a hair-breadth of space. I planned to polish my Accounts after trials but I kept concentrating on other subjects until I screwed it in my SPM!!! AND I NEVER SCREW UP IN PUBLIC EXAMS!!!!! That was the worst feeling to date and my dream of achieving 11A+ just shattered like glass to stone.

Good thing I took an extra subject, Basic Economy, which I ONLY STARTED READING ONE WEEK BEFORE THE EXAM! Believe me or not, I did......I signed up for the subject in 2010. I never went for tuition, I never met the subject teacher....I took it for granted that it was easy and BANG!!! thats what I get! .....one week full of pain and torture....Thank God I did it better than my Accounts paper in SPM. But still Accounts had made a great impact and I swear I'll never pursue that field in my life ever again!!!!

Well, till the next post....Ciao!